Love and Relationships

Definition of Love – What is Love?

Today let’s define love. You can’t go looking for what you don’t know and it’s dangerous to do so. That is why we find true love and take it for granted then find fake love and give it all our best. Most times we don’t know what we are looking for when we go out looking for love.

And the world has lied to us into believing we will know love when we find it… many know it after they have lost it – and many mistake hate for love.

From my book How I Kissed Heartbreak Goodbye, I use the real life question sent by Adrian to give you the definition of love…

What is Love?

ADRIAN: Does true love really exist? If it does then tell me, what is love? We used to love each other at the beginning, but now we just feel so dry toward each other and I ask myself – where has our love gone? How can I bring it back?

In my book I begin by telling Adrian that asking what is “Love” is like asking what is “Jump,” – Love is a verb, an action word rather than a noun – therefore like “Jump” we can’t describe how it looks like but we can discuss what it does.

“Love is NOT how you feel, love is how you act.”

– Moffat Machingura | How I Kissed Heartbreak Goodbye

Beware the dictionary will tell you love is a feeling, but if you have been in love long enough you will understand something is wrong about that definition. When my partner provokes me in some way, I can be angry but still act kindly towards her. When I’m angry I’m not feeling in love, but my kind actions show that I still love her.

So what is love?

“Love is a choice to act in a caring way towards my partner – even on the days I wake up feeling uncaring.”

– Moffat Machingura | How I Kissed Heartbreak Goodbye

When your partner says you don’t love her anymore, she doesn’t mean the feelings. She is referring to how you act towards her. The true meaning of love is reflected in how we act and not how we feel.

The greatest lie Hollywood ever told us was that Love is a strong feeling of attraction towards someone. Sadly, you are going to feel for many many people in your life, and it will never mean that you love them.

It doesn’t matter how much you feel for someone, you still haven’t loved them if you haven’t chosen to make their life and happiness as important as yours. You know you love someone when they become the reason why you choose to wake up and go to work every day of your life.

Love doesn’t mean you won’t hurt your partner some-times, but love means you will come back and say you are sorry because you care for how your partner feels and you don’t want to be the reason for their sadness.

“To love is to choose to care.”

– Moffat Machingura | How I Kissed Heartbreak Goodbye

You are not always going to wake up feeling like loving your partner but that wouldn’t mean you have stopped loving. It would only mean you have stopped feeling like loving. To love or not to love your partner can only be defined by how you behave especially when you are feeling “unloving.”

The true definition of love is one that defines a type of love that is stronger than your feelings.

“Love is how much you have chosen to care for me; NOT how much you feel when you look at me.”

– Moffat Machingura | How I Kissed Heartbreak Goodbye

If you marry someone simply for how you feel, then the truth is you don’t really care for that person, instead what you really care for is how you feel when you are with that person. That person becomes merely an instrument to caress your feelings.

“Feelings in love are like the icing on the cake. A cake has icing but icing is not cake. Love has feelings but feelings are not love. Sometimes the feelings will disappear, but that doesn’t mean the love is gone. “

– Moffat Machingura | How I Kissed Heartbreak Goodbye

That is because love is a decision, it goes nowhere until you decide otherwise.

By saying decision what I really mean is commitment. It doesn’t matter how strongly you feel for someone – if you haven’t committed yourself to be with that person – then you haven’t yet loved. You have felt but you haven’t yet loved.

Your love feelings are not yours because they come and go as they please. But the Love itself is totally yours because it is a decision – a commitment – that will always be where you placed it until you decide to place it somewhere else.

So if you are asking what love is, I will tell you love is a commitment, a decision. It takes time to make a commitment that lasts for a lifetime. And not everyone deserves your commitment; that is why you should take your time and not be afraid to turn some people down.

However, only when you have made that commitment can you safely say you have loved. Otherwise most people have spent their lives feeling for almost everyone yet loving absolutely no one. You can’t blame them, they thought that feeling was love.

Many love birds think they are having an intimate relationship when all they have is just an intimate experience. It’s just a fling. It’s driven by passions. Yet, as I write in my book Life Capsules for Success

“Passion may make you go fast, but it’s commitment that makes you go far.”

̶ Moffat Machingura | Life Capsules for Success

I wrote the book How I Kissed Heartbreak Goodbye because I wanted to help give you a bulletproof of your heart. We are living in a heartbreak generation where people are quickly falling in love and falling out of it just as quickly. Not to mention our celebrities who are marrying today and divorcing tomorrow. In fact Marriage is now a scary word – if you substitute it for “Peek A Boo!!!” on Halloween I bet you could even scare more people. 

We are a heartbreak generation because though our love relationships are filled with so much passion, they are dismally lacking in commitment. Even if your sexual passions are so strong that you want to kiss or have sex on the first date – without commitment that relationship is headed towards break up and pain.

Your relationship isn’t as strong as how much you feel for each other, your relationship is as strong as your level of commitment to making it last.

Feelings are the spice of love but commitment is the spine of love.

– Moffat Machingura | How I Kissed Heartbreak Goodbye

After the Love is Gone, is it Gone?

Inside the question “What is Love?” Adrian asked, “Where has our love gone?” And I want to use it to help you – especially if you had been asking yourself “After the Love is Gone, Where Do we Go?”

Since love is a choice, then you can never wake up with your love gone. 🙂  As long as you haven’t decided to stop loving your partner your love is still with you. The feeling of love can go away, especially when you stop acting kindly towards your partner.

But the best way to bring back that love feeling is to start acting in kind and caring ways toward each other again.

So partners who say, “Our love is gone” don’t really know what love is. They don’t get that they still do love each other, and the loss of feelings that is happening between them can still happen with anyone else that they choose to start another relationship with.

The best way to bring back the feeling of love is to acting lovingly.

At the beginning of the relationship it is the feeling of love that makes us act caring towards our partners, but later on in the relationship it is acting caring that makes us feel in love.

– Moffat Machingura | How I Kissed Heartbreak Goodbye

At first we will have to feel in love in order to act lovingly but later we will have to act lovingly in order to feel in love.

So if you are asking, “Where has our love gone?”

The truth is, right now, you still have all the love that you need. You have to stop trying to feel it and just start to act it. As I say in my book How I Kissed Heartbreak Goodbye…

It is the actions of love that will bring back the feelings of love.

– Moffat Machingura | How I Kissed Heartbreak Goodbye

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